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Away With the Fairies by =Francine1991:iconFrancine1991:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Away with the fairies

Doubtless, she meant no wicked deed,
As she wandered away; but the child took no heed,
Of her mother's warnings, her frantic despair,
For she was entranced by the girl in the air,
By the eyes of sharp silver, the voice like a song,
Like a rosy-cheeked puppet, seamlessly strung along,
She walked hand in hand with the children of light,
Until she was out of all mortal men's sight.
©2008-2009 =Francine1991
:iconfrancine1991:

Author's Comments

Something I wrote a while back. I'm currently digging up old stuff. =)

Comments


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:iconalmalobana:
~almalobana Apr 4, 2008, 7:58:10 AM
this is really beautiful, but really sad at the same time... i like it! (also puts a twist on the idea of being 'away with the fairies', doesn't it!)
:iconmatsuban:
~Matsuban Apr 7, 2008, 7:36:09 AM
Very haunting, my suggestions:

Doubtless, she meant no wicked deed,
when she did stray, taking no heed,
of mother's words, fear filled despair:
entranced by the spark in the air
With eyes of silver, voice like song.
A rose-cheeked puppet, strung along,
she walked with the children of light,
'til she was beyond mortal sight.

--
-Christina Prince
:iconclaw-ravenscroft:
~Claw-Ravenscroft Apr 8, 2008, 11:38:52 PM
the sixed line is a bit to long, it kicked me out a bit of the rhythm. But it is a very good poem.

--
2008 - Year of the frog! :frog:
:iconfrancine1991:
=Francine1991 Apr 9, 2008, 12:22:57 AM
Yah, it is. -glares at line- I must figure out how to warp it into shape!

:lol: And thank you.

--
...and you can consider that the end of the matter.
:iconsnow-white-x:
~snow-white-x Apr 9, 2008, 2:11:25 AM
I love this one, in general.

--
please look at my website:
[link]
:iconrosesanplacebos:
~rosesanplacebos Apr 9, 2008, 2:12:48 PM
Another lovely work.
Again, simple but detailed and straight to the point.
Your first line throws me off looking back though. I assumed by “she” you mean the child, but the way it is written it feels as though directed toward the fairy.
My favorite line is: “Of her mother’s warnings, her frantic despair/for she was entranced by the girl in the air.”
Beautiful image. Your use of detail in this is wonderful. “eyes of sharp silver” evokes an amazing picture of a beautiful fairy as well as the lies the eyes hide.
Again, wonderful work. My only suggestion with this work was to possibly rework the first line somewhat.
:iconfrancine1991:
=Francine1991 Apr 10, 2008, 1:22:57 AM
Aha... yes, you're right, there. I'll have to revise that. Thank you very much for your help and kind words. :D

--
...and you can consider that the end of the matter.
:iconsheeyo:
~Sheeyo May 23, 2008, 8:51:28 AM
( Not being a native english-speaker, I was afraid I wouldn't understand your poem, bit I think I do :D :thumbsup: yay.)

It's beautiful, and has a really good rhytm - I really like it! You are talented.

--
"...suffering felt, pain withstood and forged into inspiration - that is the spell of the magician."

:batty: I accept commissions
:iconfrancine1991:
=Francine1991 May 23, 2008, 12:23:20 PM
I'm glad you did. :) You're obviously better than you thought ;) Thank you very much indeed

--
...and you can consider that the end of the matter.
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