She realised, at age thirteen,
Why boys would stop and stare
Her dewy skin, the golden sheen
That graced her velvet hair
So she bought herself a mirror
And displayed it, so she could
Bring her beauty ever nearer
It excelled; it understood
For years, it was delightful
Showcasing that youthful face
Though she grew vain and spiteful,
She charmed lovers with her grace
Yet, over time, I'm sad to say
The face will often show
(On top of the basic display)
The soul that lurks below
This girl, with such an ugly heart
Began to project her hate
Onto herself so now departs
Her beauty... it's too late















Devious Comments
Your rhyming scheme is quite good, but you might want to examine the beats of your poem. Saying it outloud (all poetry should be read aloud) might help you get a feel for how it should roll off the tongue.
Lines like "And keep track of it each day" and "Not just superficial display" have more beats than the lines around it, so they lose a little bit of flow.
Otherwise, the poem is very good and it tells the story quite well. =]
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"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" -Romans 8:31
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...and you can consider that the end of the matter.
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Either way you look at it, religious or non-religious, you're bound to come across the same scenario where we as humans are imperfect in many ways.
Kishan V. Lad
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"If we knock on the door until it opens, not taking no for an answer, our lives will be transformed as we step up into a higher awareness."-James Redfield
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If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88mph, you're gonna see some serious shit.
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LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!! NYAHAHAHA!!!!!
You're welcomed to visit my A-Z gallery
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LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!! NYAHAHAHA!!!!!
You're welcomed to visit my A-Z gallery
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...and you can consider that the end of the matter.
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...and you can consider that the end of the matter.
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