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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
February 17, 2009
Tommy 1337 by =Francine1991 is a tribute to the style of Roald Dahl's humourous rhymes, but with a dark honesty lurking amongst the humour.
Literature Text
Dahl, your death was a tragedy,
But I'm almost glad you didn't see
The rising of the new way to
Make your kids' minds melt into goo.
I talk, of course, lest we forget
Of the abhorrent INTERNET.
None of us could contain our joy
When this delightful little toy
Made little Tommy shut his trap
(Much quicker than a lunchtime nap)
And seemed, at first, to educate
Rather than brain-assimilate.
But years rolled on and our new friend
Became the source of ghastly trends
And Tommy, now at age thirteen,
Became rather absurdly keen
On women – half cat, with huge breasts,
And arguments on which was best:
The Potter books or sparkly guys
(Those weird gay vampires in disguise).
The vulgar porn and RP games
All make TV look rather tame.
Over 9,000 pedo-cocks,
And fan girls milling 'round in flocks,
Dramatica and DeviantArt
Will slowly blacken any heart
And dull your eyes, and dull your brain
Until you'll never speak again
Save in a strained and beastly growl
As we eliminate the vowel.
So parents, update your attack!
Leave the TV, stop looking back
And focus on the evil glare
Of the screen next to your office chair
Save Tommy! Before he becomes
Another 133t-ish, flabby bum.
But I'm almost glad you didn't see
The rising of the new way to
Make your kids' minds melt into goo.
I talk, of course, lest we forget
Of the abhorrent INTERNET.
None of us could contain our joy
When this delightful little toy
Made little Tommy shut his trap
(Much quicker than a lunchtime nap)
And seemed, at first, to educate
Rather than brain-assimilate.
But years rolled on and our new friend
Became the source of ghastly trends
And Tommy, now at age thirteen,
Became rather absurdly keen
On women – half cat, with huge breasts,
And arguments on which was best:
The Potter books or sparkly guys
(Those weird gay vampires in disguise).
The vulgar porn and RP games
All make TV look rather tame.
Over 9,000 pedo-cocks,
And fan girls milling 'round in flocks,
Dramatica and DeviantArt
Will slowly blacken any heart
And dull your eyes, and dull your brain
Until you'll never speak again
Save in a strained and beastly growl
As we eliminate the vowel.
So parents, update your attack!
Leave the TV, stop looking back
And focus on the evil glare
Of the screen next to your office chair
Save Tommy! Before he becomes
Another 133t-ish, flabby bum.
Literature
Dr. Bakunetsu
Dr. Bakunetsu
His name is Japanese for 'explosive heat' -
it's also, he says, unfastening his suitcase's
brass clasps, the name he gives the ailment, taps
the carat of my ribs - "In here, chief?
Right-o, that's a nasty one. No, don't speak!
These things can go off any time, sunshine,
Ive seen ones that could atomise Parliament,
your hearts the barrel and this thing, chief,
thiss the burning taper. Sonly got to leap
like a flea, or a jumping bean, sunbeam,
skip like a record and your whole torsoll
go up like a sack of fireworks. Keep still, chief.
His cigarette tipped with a ziggurat, his teeth
Literature
Who Cares About...?
WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR MISTRESS' EYES?
(A Rebuttal to Shakespeare's Sonnet CXXX)
Why should it matter in the least if her
Lips are coral red or pale pink?
If suntanned breasts are worrying you, sir,
You need your head examined, one would think.
And you honestly believe her cheeks and hair
Detract because they differ from the norm?
I doubt you'd find another who would care;
For as they are, they are indeed well-formed.
As to her breath and voice, I will concede
That reeks and rasps as adjectives fit well;
But Listerine will satisfy her need,
And huskiness in speech, a flaw? Do tell!
You love her, faults and all, or so you've said—
Literature
quacking jokes
three ducks explode
into laughter:
private joke
Suggested Collections
Entry for *simplypoetry's contest, for which you have to write a reply to a famous poem. I chose Roald Dahl's 'Mike Teavee'.
Contest: [link]
Original poem: [link]
Edit: added moar.
Contest: [link]
Original poem: [link]
Edit: added moar.
© 2009 - 2024 Francine1991
Comments124
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Well Done. I enjoyed that.