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Dahl, your death was a tragedy,
But I'm almost glad you didn't see
The rising of the new way to
Make your kids' minds melt into goo.
I talk, of course, lest we forget
Of the abhorrent INTERNET.
None of us could contain our joy
When this delightful little toy
Made little Tommy shut his trap
(Much quicker than a lunchtime nap)
And seemed, at first, to educate
Rather than brain-assimilate.
But years rolled on and our new friend
Became the source of ghastly trends
And Tommy, now at age thirteen,
Became rather absurdly keen
On women – half cat, with huge breasts,
And arguments on which was best:
The Potter books or sparkly guys
(Those weird gay vampires in disguise).
The vulgar porn and RP games
All make TV look rather tame.
Over 9,000 pedo-cocks,
And fan girls milling 'round in flocks,
Dramatica and DeviantArt
Will slowly blacken any heart
And dull your eyes, and dull your brain
Until you'll never speak again
Save in a strained and beastly growl
As we eliminate the vowel.
So parents, update your attack!
Leave the TV, stop looking back
And focus on the evil glare
Of the screen next to your office chair
Save Tommy! Before he becomes
Another 133t-ish, flabby bum.
Entry for *simplypoetry's contest, for which you have to write a reply to a famous poem. I chose Roald Dahl's 'Mike Teavee'.
Contest: [link]
Original poem: [link]

Edit: added moar.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2009-02-17
Tommy 1337 by =Francine1991 is a tribute to the style of Roald Dahl's humourous rhymes, but with a dark honesty lurking amongst the humour. ( Suggested by BeccaJS and Featured by StJoan )
:iconyardguide:
Yardguide Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2009
Well Done. I enjoyed that.
Reply
:iconiyeshana:
Iyeshana Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2009
Roald Dahl was my idol, and still is. And yes, his fear of the tv is nothing compared to the internet.

though I really think that deviantart for one is a more useful "toy" than many internet sites. :)

I am an admitted fangirl who uses the internet for more than fangirl-ish activities
Reply
:iconcapnchikan:
CapnChikan Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2009   Writer
ooho well done.
Reply
:iconrebelegade:
Rebelegade Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2009
Aaaahh... Now I feel even worse for spending a bajillion hours on the internet. x]

Oh well. This poem was a lot of fun to read! :D
Reply
:iconevalilith:
EvaLilith Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Most awesome and most true. I try my best to not surf the internet just for the case of surfing the internet, but I still get zombified occasionally.
Reply
:icon19rad:
19RAD Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009   Traditional Artist
That's amazing! Wow. What an eye opener. Thanks for submitting!
Reply
:iconfrancine1991:
Francine1991 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009   Writer
:aww: Thank you!
Reply
:iconsirhcnitram:
SirHCNitram Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
Blame the implementation, not the implement.
Reply
:iconkneelingglory:
KneelingGlory Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
This is great. To this day, my favorite book ever is The Twits :) :+fav: and congratulations on the daily deviation :w00t:
Reply
:iconshadow-iris:
Shadow-Iris Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
Brilliant!

:paranoid: And I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks vampires shouldn't sparkle. :laughing:

Congrats on the DD. :+fav: I miss Roald Dahl. :nod:
Reply
:iconereyes:
ereyes Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
Ahahaha! The Twilight reference and this line "Dramatica and DeviantArt
Will slowly blacken any heart"

are had me laughing. :laughing:
Reply
:iconsuiren520:
suiren520 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Nice. And I must say
Dahl was my favorite child author :D
Reply
:iconatomichippy:
atomichippy Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
OMIGOD WE'RE ON IT RIGHT NOW!!!
Reply
:iconnly:
NLY Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
Deviations should come with a 'reject' button.
Reply
:iconfrancine1991:
Francine1991 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009   Writer
Well, you can comment with any negative views. :)
Reply
:icon0r4nos:
0r4nos Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
Your humor appeals to me greatly! I approve! Hahahahahahahaha!!
Reply
:iconspiderwax:
Spiderwax Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
Scary but True. Alot of my friends are ibsessed with half cats with big boobs.
Reply
:iconzwerg42:
Zwerg42 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
lol...funny stuff...does anyone know any good Roald Dahl books besides ';Peach', 'Chocolate Factory' and 'Glass Elevator'?...why am I asking random questions on Deviantart...let me just go google it...
Reply
:iconfrancine1991:
Francine1991 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009   Writer
Fantastic Mister Fox was my favourite as a child. :aww:
Reply
:icontherealmizua:
therealmizua Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
This is amazing!!
Reply
:iconfullmetalmono:
FullMetalMono Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:lmao: You've spoken the truth in a very catchy, ultimately hilarious way.

Having said that, the first four lines seem kind of out of place; they don't flow as nicely as the rest of the poem. Other than that, brilliantly done :)
Reply
:iconluffykun:
LuffyKun Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
When I read this I choked on my mango in laughter :ohnoes:
Reply
:iconfrancine1991:
Francine1991 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009   Writer
:noes: I hope you recovered!
Reply
:iconluffykun:
LuffyKun Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2009
Don't worry! I has recovereds!! THX
:blownose:
Reply
:iconjblask:
Jblask Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hmm very interesting. Makes a good point too. Quite sad at what everything has happened with the internet.

I do like Roald Dahl. He shot down nazis in World War II and then wrote childrens books.
Reply
:iconfrancine1991:
Francine1991 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009   Writer
:nod: His autobiographies are fantastic.
Reply
:iconjblask:
Jblask Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've actually never read any. Just seen some of his stories.
Reply
:iconchronically-chaotic:
Chronically-Chaotic Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009   Writer
He never actually shot them down... on his first trip into enemy territory, (in Africa somewhere btw) he crashed in the desert, and got injured so badly he couldn't carry on his service.
Reply
:iconjblask:
Jblask Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
REally? I remember him noting that he was glad to see them bailing out of the planes before the crashed. He was such a nice guy.:D
Reply
:iconkeljoy:
keljoy Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha. This is brilliant. I've always loved Roald Dahl's work, and you've captured the style nicely. I like lines 5-6 the best. I can almost hear the Oompa-Loompas singing...
Reply
:iconspunkymonkey1090:
spunkymonkey1090 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Student General Artist
This is amazing and so true. Thank you for writing it.
Reply
:iconskyrere:
skyrere Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
Sorry man. I would have added this to my favorites, but all of the normal options you would find down the left side of the page were not there. I even tried to refresh the page. Just know that I really like this pice.
Reply
:iconfrancine1991:
Francine1991 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009   Writer
:D No worries, thank you for the thought!
Reply
:iconskyrere:
skyrere Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
very good and very true.
Reply
:iconflitterpaw:
Flitterpaw Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
I like it, but...
Why did you say deviantART will blacken your heart? 0_o
Reply
:iconfrancine1991:
Francine1991 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009   Writer
Horrible lumps of anime tracing, etc. Kills your faith in humanity, that :no:
Reply
:iconflitterpaw:
Flitterpaw Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2009
wait...TRACING?!?! O__O
Tracing is CHEATING...It's not drawing o_0
Is that what you mean? *mumbling about how wrong and personal style killing tracing is*
Oh geez...tracing is like the number one thing I'm against in art :disbelief:
I'd better stop before I start RANTING...lol
There's a lot of good stuff on here, though, ne? :D
Reply
:iconfrancine1991:
Francine1991 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2009   Writer
Oh, of course :) just that the poem had to focus on the negatives lol. There's some beautiful art in all the categories here.
Reply
:iconflitterpaw:
Flitterpaw Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2009
Yep.
If you didn't think that...that would be kind of strange :o
lol :)
I like the rythym of the poem though...it's really a lot like Roald Dahl's style...and it's very sad that he died...I love his books...I wish there were more...I read all of them already 9_9
Re-reading time! :D haha
Reply
:iconrelient-k:
Relient-K Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Professional Traditional Artist
I'm usually not a fan of reading the poetry here on devArt, but I just read the opening lines in the preview and was hooked. Absolutely love it! (And the Harry Potter vs. Twilight lines made me laugh)
Reply
:iconblunderbess:
Blunderbess Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
As someone that read a lot of Dahl as a child, and has now grown up with a sharp, slightly cruel sense of humor as a result I find this delightful. I am sure he would have approved.
Reply
:iconbridishpie:
BridishPiE Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
fantastic, truly fantastic!

well done on the daily deviation, it's well deserved :)
Reply
:iconeinnobztron:
einnobztron Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Student Writer
incredibly well-written. . .you have to love it :)
Reply
:iconteaganmarie:
TeaganMarie Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
ha ha, so true. That was really well written
Reply
:icone-n-o-l-a:
E-n-o-l-a Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
This was awesome:D Haha
Reply
:icondelicatesilver:
Delicatesilver Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
This is too true for a lot of people nowadays.
Reply
:iconthemasknevercomesoff:
Themasknevercomesoff Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
Ok lol! I have only just read this and im glad I did!!! its hilarious and tooo true......
Reply
:iconhideousblob:
HideousBlob Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
This is sheerly amazing. You captured Dahl's style well.
Reply
:iconfreakybro:
FreakyBro Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
frightfully true to life on the internet, and how it can seriously f*ck up a novelist and a kid :lol:
Reply
:iconmaxvonseibold:
maxvonseibold Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
1!
Reply
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